I was just told the most important thing about relationships. It must be true that the best things are said at 3 am.
“Love should come easy, if you have to put effort into it then it shouldn’t be.”
It’s probably one of the most heart shattering things I’ve heard. The boy that said it I swear I could love. He’s one of those that are so self consumed with his success that he forgets about you. I think about him 24/7. I feel obsessed and insane but I swear he could love me back. Hearing him say things like this and ‘what do you want me to do, I just want you happy’ can make me break. I’d do anything for him but he wouldn’t actually do anything for me.
He’s the first boy that made love to me instead of screwing me drunk like most college boys do. He was more concerned about making it right for me instead of himself.
I’m so choked up that me may be over but I know if you want something bad enough you make it work. I’ve had so much fun with him the past few months & it breaks my heart that it’s all going away.
I wish he’d stay where I’m at forever instead of going to medical school. I miss sleeping with him, honestly sleeping. We’d talk until 3 in the morning in his bed & never run out of things to say.
We didn’t have sex every time we hung out. We got to enjoy each others company and in the months that we talked I can count on one hand how many times we did do something. We let the tension build between us so we could get to know each others minds instead of each bodies.
Ill look back at this and think myself an idiot but I enjoyed the comfortable silences, the sly glances at each other, blushing, finding each others hands in the night, the kiss on the forehead at the party, the listening, & the honesty.
If things are meant to be they will happen, I have to keep telling myself this. I’ve wept over this boy because I feel like we are so much a like that it hurts me so much not having him. I feel as if its a dangerous obsession because I care for him so much & hurt so much for him.
He hasn’t made me cry intentionally. He has been there for me when I needed him, when I called upon him. When my sorority sister passed, he let me lie on his couch all night not saying a word. He let me be sad & held me through it. He didn’t expect anything. He made me salmon. If that’s not a big deal then I don’t know what is.
It’s amazing that in just a few short months he has had this impact on me and it’s a feeling I can’t let go. I want him in every way constantly. I hope this fades if this ends.